A chart drawn on navy: tins of food stacked on a pantry shelf in rising columns like a bar chart, with a pink trend line climbing over them to a VR headset resting on the tallest stack. Behind them a red dashed line labelled markets zigzags steadily downward.
Wealth management for the generation without any

Diversify into beans.

The class system is finalising its seating plan, and you are not at the top table, or at any table. We help you prepare for life in the permanent underclass with the assets you actually hold: a can opener, a Sunday afternoon, a car with four seats and the hours between eleven at night and two in the morning.
Our thesis

You have survived four once-in-a-lifetime crises. Plan for a fifth.

You were promised a house, a pension and a career ladder. You received a dot-com crash, a Great Recession, a pandemic and a year in which a coin with a dog on it made a boy called Timmy a billionaire while you watched from the group chat. Each one was described on the news as unprecedented. At some point, statistically, the precedent is you.

Traditional advisers will tell you to buy index funds with money you do not have. We start from where you are. Our strategies require no minimum balance, no brokerage account and no parents with a spare flat. They require a cupboard.

A line chart titled your net worth, approximately, from 2000 to 2030. The line climbs slowly and drops sharply four times, at markers labelled dot-com, Great Recession, pandemic and inflation. At the far right a large pink arrow labelled next points straight down onto the shoulders of a small figure standing on the line.
Fig. 1. Client net worth since 2000. Past performance is not indicative of future recessions, which are expected to be worse.
2 Yachts owned by Timmy, who has never had a job
0 Houses owned by the median client
0 Dog coins you bought in 2021, when they cost nothing
1 Can opener, fully paid off
The four pillars

A portfolio you can eat

Every client portfolio is built on four time-tested asset classes, chosen because they are the only four we could still afford to research.

Pillar 1

Canned goods

Beans, chickpeas, chopped tomatoes, tuna. Buy them when they are on offer, buy the shop's own brand and keep them in the cupboard where the stand mixer from somebody else's wedding list used to live. Unlike a retirement account, a tin of chickpeas has never lost a third of its value in a week.

Pillar 2

Meal prep

Two hours on a Sunday, five lunches in glass boxes. Every lunch you bring instead of buy is around ten dollars you keep. Compounded weekly, this is the only compounding you will personally live to witness.

Pillar 3

Ride sharing

Sharing a ride, not driving for an app. Carpool to work, split the petrol, take the bus where there is one. A car payment is the most expensive subscription you have, and it does not even stream anything.

Pillar 4

The third side hustle

The day job pays the rent. Side hustle one pays the student loan. Side hustle two pays for the equipment for side hustle one. The third is your emergency fund: every dollar it earns goes into a separate savings account that you pretend does not exist.

New for this cycle

Now available in virtual reality

Your real life has already been optimised to the bone. Your virtual life has not. Our VR desk applies the same discipline to the metaverse, where, we are pleased to report, the rent is still free.

Virtual asset 1

Phantom calories

Every other meal, a virtual one. No shopping, no washing up, no cost. Some conditions apply, chiefly that you must also eat.

How it works
Virtual asset 2

Downsize to a virtual condo

Your home world has an infinity pool and eleven mirrors. Start practising for the housing you will actually have: one room and a kettle.

See the floor plan
Virtual asset 3

Dine out, virtually

Same friends, same conversation, no bill split eleven ways on a phone calculator in a panic.

See the savings
Get started

Your first consultation is free. All of them are.

We could not think of anything to charge you that you would be able to pay.