Strategy · Model portfolio

The model portfolio.

Balanced, defensive and edible. Rebalanced every Sunday afternoon between the laundry and the existential dread.
Allocation

Where every dollar goes

Our model allocation for a client with one dollar. Clients with more than one dollar should scale accordingly, and then tell us how.

Asset Allocation (%)
Emergency fund, in a savings account Three months of rent, eventually. Start with one week 30.00
Paying off the credit card The highest guaranteed return available to you, at whatever your card charges 25.00
Pantry: tins, rice, oats, pasta Bought on offer, rotated oldest first 15.00
Bus pass and carpool petrol kitty Cheaper than parking, before counting the car 10.00
Third side hustle, reinvested Upward mobility was discontinued, so the money moves sideways, into the other hustles 10.00
Meal prep containers One-off capital expenditure. Glass. Lids sold separately, then lost separately 5.00
Things that bring you joy Not optional. A budget you hate is a budget you abandon by March 5.00
Avocado toast Divested in 2017 under public pressure. Returns were never the problem 0.00
Whatever your cousin keeps texting you about Noted, and declined 0.00
Total, which is all of it 100.00
Projected returns

Guaranteed weekly returns

The only returns in finance that are actually guaranteed are the ones you do not spend. Figures below are for one person, one ordinary week, in dollars.

Position Kept per week
Five lunches meal-prepped instead of bought Twelve dollars bought against two-fifty prepped, five days $47.50
Two takeaways replaced with beans and rice Add a fried egg. You are not an animal $24.00
Carpooling to work, split three ways Plus one colleague you now know far too much about $30.00
Coffee made at home It is fine. It tastes fine $20.00
Cancelling the streaming service you forgot you had And the one after that, next week $4.00
Third side hustle, after costs Before tax. Please do the tax $60.00
Weekly return, guaranteed, which is more than anyone else will promise you $185.50
1 Clients with five lunches in the fridge
Know yourself

Risk tolerance questionnaire

Every reputable adviser asks how much risk you can tolerate. We ask how much you are already tolerating, which is quicker.

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